Why My Idea Of Love Is Slowly Dying

​If you read my post on how I’m the biggest hopeless romantic on the planet, you’ll know that I’ve always dreamt of my “happily ever after”. I’ve believed in love, the kind that is unconditional and can be found in every Nicholas Sparks’ book , my entire life. But recently, my faith has been wavering.

I find it kind of funny that I ever had a positive outlook towards love, considering how shit the relationships around me have been. Take my parents for example. Sure, they can be the cutest of lovebirds when they want to be, to the point where more often than not I feel third-wheeled in my own fucking house. They still hold hands in the mall periodically. They still laugh uncontrollably at their inside jokes without a care in the world. But, these moments are fleeting. And sure, every relationship has it’s ups and it’s downs. Yet, even my parents would admit that they probably should have left each other years ago. So it’s safe to say that I grew up with a skewed notion of what love truly is and because of it, found myself wanting better. As sad as it may sound, I took my parent’s relationship as a model of everything I didn’t want for myself.

Nevertheless, I never gave up on finding true love. I wasn’t going to let one bad relationship crush my hopes and dreams altogether. What I soon realized, however, is that it wasn’t just ONE bad relationship. It was the majority of them. One by one, all the relationships that I have spent my whole thinking were perfect, have come crumbling down. Cheating. Lying. Abuse. Those are just a few of the swords I’ve been exposed to. And then, you have those couples who aren’t plagued by any of such demons at all, yet still seem to fall out of love and go their separate ways. Maybe they simply grew apart. Maybe they aren’t happy. Maybe they just don’t love each other like they used to. Hell, maybe they never even did.

Which got me thinking: What’s the point in believing in love anyways?

I mean, let’s face it. In many places around the world, divorce can be predicted by the flip of a fucking coin. In some places, the odds are even worse! Even Nicholas Sparks got a divorce ( I guess The Notebook was just fiction after all)! Not to mention, you have couples who remain in relationships or marriages that they probably should not be in, whether due to fear, comfort, children…the list goes on and on. Love doesn’t seem to be doing so well for many, so why should I bother thinking it will be good to me ?

One of my friends and I were talking about this the other day and we thought, wouldn’t it be great if we there was some sort of scientific test we could take to see whether our relationships would last, or whether the love was truly there or not? I mean, we have tests that determine pretty much every other aspect of our lives. Want to know if you`re “smart”? Take a test. Want to know if you’re able to be that lawyer you’ve always dreamt of becoming? Take a test. Want to know if what you did two weeks ago was a reaaally bad idea? Take a test. And yet, there’s no multiple choice questionnaire to let me know if my hypothetical relationship will last or not. How ludicrous.

Seeing as though we don’t live in a perfect world, love is a risk, not a guarantee. But you know what, I think that’s what makes it so great. It’s true when they say that good things don’t come easy. They take effort, patience, courage and a whole lot of faith in yourself. Any time you jump into a new relationship, or say ” I do”, there’s ALWAYS  a chance that it will not last. Situations change. People change. So, I think what it comes down to is deciding who is and isn’t worth taking that risk for. How do you know who’s worth it? Well shit, I don’t have all the answers. I don’t even think its humanly possible for any of us to know. The only thing we can do is go with our gut, follow our heart and roll the dice. If things end well, then kudos to you. But if they don’t, I’m sure you’ll be able to pick yourself up once again.

I refuse to believe that true, unconditional love doesn’t exist, nor am I okay with settling for anything but. Does that make me a hopeless psycho? Yes. Will I end up heartbroken, alone and with three divorces under my belt? Most likely. But what’s the alternative? Never giving myself a chance to find love and having low expectations? No thanks. I think I’ll run with my shitty odds.