Cheating + Why We Do It 

” So, what are you going to say at my funeral now that you killed me? Here lies the body of the love of my life, whose heart I broke, without a gun to my head…Ashes to ashes. Dust to side chicks.”

-Apathy, Beyonce

Is it just me or has cheating become much more prevalent recently? Don’t get me wrong- it’s always been an issue. Yet, in my own personal life I’ve been exposed to more instances and stories of cheating these past couple of months than I have my entire life. Guess it should be Year of the Snake instead of the Rooster.

 I, myself, have never cheated, nor have I been cheated on- mostly because actually having been in a relationship is a pretty big prerequisite. Nonetheless, I know people who have been on both sides. I have friends who have had their lives turned upside down by cheaters, and also know people who have done it themselves.

My views on cheating have always been concrete, which is why a friend and I recently got into a heated debate over this topic. I’m usually a pretty passive person when I’m not fairly interested in the conversation at hand. Sometimes, I’ll even find myself agreeing with someone else’s opinion, when I actually don’t, just so that they’ll shut up and move on to something a little more stimulating. But, ask anyone who knows me, and they’ll vouch for the fact that when it comes to something I’m passionate about, I can’t stop talking. And, when I know I’m on the right side, I’m as stubborn as can be.

Hence, when my friend started defending why people cheat, I blew up. His argument basically stemmed around the idea that it’s important to know both sides to any story, which I agree with. But then , he said six words that irked me beyond belief : Maybe. They. Were. Asking. For. It. Hmmmmm. Where have I heard that before?! Did he really think he was going to win this one by spewing the same argument people use to justify rape and sexual assault? Sorry buddy- not a fucking chance.

Listen, I get it. Relationships aren’t always rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes the love just isn’t there anymore. I’m not claiming that we are meant to stick with one person for our entire lives, because I know many find this unrealistic. The person you are with is going to do things that are going to piss you off. Some may be minuscule, while some not so much. For example, one of the people I know who had cheated, was in what you could call a textbook toxic relationship. Emotional abuse. Degradation. Isolation. Their spouse disrespected them left, right and center and barely regarded them as a human being. So, of course, when news broke out that they had cheated- it was completely understandable. But was it the right thing to do?

My friend argued yes. The situation this person was in was outright horrible. Their spouse was an asshole, for lack of a worse word. I understand that. But, why cheat? What was cheating going to solve? This person was still going to be in the same toxic environment they so desperately needed to find a way out of. Cheating wasn’t going to change that. But, you know what would have? LEAVING.

And that’s the only thing I say every time someone tells me that cheating is somehow justified. If you’re in a relationship that just isn’t working for you anymore- leave. If you’re getting tempted to cheat, but still “love” your partner-leave. If you’re in a relationship that is slowly killing you and is making cheating sound like the only reasonable option you have-leave. 

Sure, there are certain situations where leaving is not the easiest of things to do. A lot of the times its something people don’t want to do. From a cheater’s perspective, unless you’re in a toxic relationship, leaving is probably the last thing on your mind. Why leave when  there’s a high chance you won’t get caught and get to have the best of nth number of worlds? I’m not even interested in talking about assholes like this. What I’m more interested in are the people who cheat who actually aren’t assholes. Because, trust me, they exist.

Don’t get me wrong. A cheater is a cheater. What they did, in my opinion, was 100% wrong and could have been avoided. Nevertheless, I don’t think that all people who cheat should be written off as horrible people. It is true that the context of the situation has a huge role to play. This doesn’t, however, change my views. Being in a toxic relationship is a daunting task. I truly feel for each and every single person who finds themselves in one. But, my point is that, if you are, your number one priority should be to get out, and unless you’re cheating for some miraculous scheme that your partner will find out and hopefully leave you, then cheating isn’t going to solve that for you. 

And from the prespective of the person who has been cheated on – leaving is the only piece of advice I have as well. Like I said, the person who did the cheating may not be an asshole. They may still be the sweet, loving person you fell in love with. They may be apologetic beyond belief. They may promise to never do it again. And, you know what ? Maybe they won’t do it again. People aren’t perfect. They make mistakes- which is why I understand how someone could forgive someone who has cheated on them. But, things go both ways. Sure , they can be telling the truth- but how about if they’re not ? You can forgive them all you want,  but are you going to be able to forgive yourself 2 years down the line when they cheat once again ? They may still love you. But, if you still love YOURSELF, then you need to let them go. You deserve so much better-never forget that.

This is a pretty big topic to tackle and I know that there are probably a bunch of aspects of this whole debate that I am missing out on. But, as far as I can tell, leaving is the best vaccine for cheating. These are just my opinions, agree to disagree if you may. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this in the comments. ‘Till next time 😁

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17 thoughts on “Cheating + Why We Do It 

  1. Leaving is the only solution and one that most cheaters know, but are too lazy to execute. Cheaters want it both ways. They want the security of having someone around and the ability to go around with anyone they want. This is human nature. We all want everything without paying the price. Great posting.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Cheating is a major no-no for me. This is probably on of the main reasons I find it hard to fully trust someone. Even if I have never experience it first hand – the fear that someone you love would actually hurt you that way is scary!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. No, you are right, there are not many aspects to this for me. Unfortunately, I am guilty of cheating. Not using excuses, but combine multiple illnesses and just not being mature, and I have done it more than once. On more than one person. It is the biggest thing I struggle with in my recovery. There is not much I feel resentful, guilty, or shame over. But I do with my behaviors of this nature. It is NEVER ok to cheat on someone. I wish I had left the unhappy relationships I was in before making those decisions. My alcohol consumption played a part. I could go on about the reasons. Bottom line is, if someone wants to cheat, they should just find a way to leave. It is very difficult to do that sometimes. The irony for me? The last relationship I was in–the absolute most horrific one of my life–I stayed in for 3 years and never cheated on her. But I might as well have because the hell she rained on me about thinking I was and a myriad of other things, at least I would have actually been guilty! I actually am trying to get the courage to write about this very subject on my own blog. Normally I don’t care what people think of me and my “stuff”, but this one is very difficult for me to come to terms and compassion with.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Our pasts define us only if we let them. I think the fact that you already have the courage to admit your faults and past mistakes is a great step for your future-one which many are unable to take. You may not be able to go back in time and change the things you have did, but you can find it within yourself to move forward and be a better version of yourself. Thanks for sharing !

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Hi Again, I tried to use your Contact Page to contact you, but there is nothing on it whatsoever! So here you go:

    I have nominated you for my Robust Ruminator Award. Your approach to writing, and your obvious passion and concern for your fellow bloggers makes you an easy choice for me. You can vote for yourself. Everything you need to know about my award is in the post I just published. This is NOT one of these nominate 15 other bloggers, blah blah blah blah. There has only been one other winner. Best of luck, and keep on doing what you do! Rob

    Liked by 2 people

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