What If ? 

If you knew who she was before you, then maybe you would understand. If you knew the things that she knew, then maybe you’d think twice before thinking she’s too easy to be read. If you knew how hard it was for her to open up, then maybe you’d feel proud. If you knew how much you meant to her, then maybe you’d know how much it hurt her to leave without a sound.

If you saw the things that she did, then maybe you would understand why she reacted the way she did. If you saw the brokenness in her eyes,  then maybe you would think twice about never letting her in  . If you saw the fear she’s lived with her whole life, then maybe you’d feel ashamed. If you saw how much you made her smile, then maybe you’d know that you weren’t the one she wanted to blame.

If you heard the things that she said, then maybe you would understand where she’s coming from. If you heard the things they used to say to her, then maybe you would think twice before making her once again feel numb. If you heard the insecurities that ran through her mind, then maybe you’d feel empathetic. If you heard the happiness that your voice brought her, then maybe you would’ve been a bit more apologetic. 

If you felt the weight on her shoulders, then maybe you would understand why she couldn’t decide. If you felt the pain of her past, then maybe you would think twice before hanging her out to dry. If you felt how disappointed she was, then maybe you’d feel distraught. If you felt the spark of just one touch, then maybe you’d know that she never forgot.

If you tasted the yearning of her lips, then maybe you would understand how she’s always truly felt. If you tasted the sweetness of her words, then maybe you would think twice about merely giving up. If you tasted the desire of every syllable, then maybe you’d feel hopeful. If you tasted the confusion on her tongue, then maybe you’d know why she’d been so fucking careful. 

If you knew what you know now, would you do it all again? If you knew the truth written on her face, would you think twice before diving back in ? If you knew the girl behind the wall, would you still feel afraid? If you had one more shot, would you be the wound or the bandaid? 

*Previously published on Thought Catalog*

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10 thoughts on “What If ? 

    1. This is probably the most personal piece I’ve ever written. I was really hesitant to share it but knowing that someone out there can feel something from it and relate makes me happier than I could ever imagine! Thank you so much, this means so much to me 😭😭😄😄

      Liked by 1 person

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