Falling For The “Bad Boy” 

“The problem with red flags is that I’m attracted to them”

What is it about the “bad boy” type that gets a lot of girls, including myself, swooning? Is it their cocky and narcissistic tendencies that we brand as “confident” and “dominant”? Or how about their indifference and emotional unavailability that makes them sooo “broody” and “mysterious”?

Whether you currently find yourself pining for a bad boy ( my deepest condolences) or have so in the past, there is no denying that they exist. Even if you’re a lucky POS that hasn’t come into contact with a member of this dangerous species, I’m sure you’ve found yourself rooting for them at one point or another. Chuck from Gossip Girl. Damon from The Vampire Diaries. These guys were what you could call textbook Mr. Wrongs. And yet, they still managed to get the girl.

Are we simply attracted to assholes? Is this something that’s out of our control?

These very questions were actually raised in one my psychology lectures last week. My professor, who would identify as a Freudian, brought up the point that subconsciously women tend to choose partners similar to their fathers. So, I guess the idea here is that if your dad is a dick, so will the guy you end up with be. How wonderful. She went on to say that this is not something we can even control; it operates at the level of our unconscious so we are also not aware of it. Personally , I am not convinced. Though I do agree to an extent, I think that there a couple serious flaws in this argument :

1) How does this explain why women who have great fathers also fall victim to a bad boy’s charm? Or better yet, how about those who never grew up with a father figure ?

2) This is something that’s supposed to happen out of our conscious awareness. But , if you’re like me, I think 9 times out of 10 we are pretty damn aware that the guy we’re falling for is no saint by any means.I think that’s the worse part-knowing that someone probably isn’t the best for you and pursuing them anyway.

But we can’t help it. And I think this is why.

There is a bit of “good” and a bit of “bad” in everyone. We may know that these “bad boys” are bad, but deep down, we also know that there is some good to be found too. A lot of times these guys are just putting up a front because they’re too afraid to show the world who they really are. Because they’re too afraid to get hurt. We see that. We feed off of that. And we let it consume us, no matter what the cost. We want to be the heroes- the ones who can save them from themselves. We want to be the ones who were strong enough to dig that goodness out of them and change them for the better. We want to fix them.

The problem with that is, well basically everything. While I do believe 100% that everyone has some sort of good within them ( even though certain individuals might have made me periodically lose faith along the way) , I also believe that you should never go into something with the expectation that the person will change, or that better yet, you will be the one to change them. Not only is that unrealistic and merely setting you up for disappointment, it is also highly unfair to them. They deserve to be with someone who will accept them for who they are  , not someone who’s going to treat them as their next guinea pig experiment.

So are we drawn towards the bad guy? Maybe. But it definitely isn’t something that is out of our control, and it probably isn’t our dad’s fault either ( if it is though , thanks a lot dad 😑) 

Raise your hand ( a.k.a comment below) if you have ever been personally victmized by a bad boy. I’d love to hear your stories. And guys, don’t think I forgot about you. I know there are just as many “bad girls” out there too, so feel free to share your experiences as well. 

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12 thoughts on “Falling For The “Bad Boy” 

  1. We all crave what we cannot have, more than what comes easy. Emotionally distant people we will always chase, while the truly wonderful, nice, open person is too easy sometimes. In the end, everyone finds love. You just have to be detached from the desire to find it. Love is all around and always coming our way. When we chase, the chase never ends.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I married a bad boy. And it definitely is not my dads fault. My dad is a sweet, gentle man. I blame myself for not having enough self-love to know that I deserved better. I turned away a lot of nice guys in my dating days. Now I’m going to be sure to instill in my girls what to look for in a guy. It makes them sad when their dad gets angry and yells at me, so I hope and pray they’ll remember that and be determined to have better for themselves. I’m not saying my marriage is all bad, but his anger and disrespect is hard to handle sometimes. Sorry, that was a bit of a rant. Stay away from bad boys ladies! You deserve better!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. That’s some great advice! Thank you so much for sharing your story – I think it is so inspiring and empowering to see that you are turning your experiences into lessons that you can teach your girls. I’m sure that down the road they won’t be able to thank you enough for that 😊

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I have fallen for a few bad boys in my life. I think it was because they were just so…well they seemed so confident and I was just not. I find that a “good” bad boy will be able to give off an air of confidence well, and they are usually as mentioned above, a lot of fun too. They have an air of they can take care of you and it’ll be a good life. It always fades away after time though. I’ll never forget the one time my now ex felt threatened by a couple of guys so he put me in front of him -.- You do get tired of them though.
    So I think that initially we are drawn to them without even knowing it. My advice would be to get to know them slowly, do not rush anything. Get to know them for who they really are.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I can definitely relate to the allure of their confidence. It makes you feel good. It makes you feel safe. But clearly, like you mentioned, those things tend to fade with time. Thanks for sharing! Great advice by the way. I would say that you should always give people a chance to show them who they are instead of writing them off automatically. But at the same time, once their true colours are revealed and you’re not liking what you see, you should definitely try your best to get out of that situation. It’s best for everyone involved. Thanks again for the read and comment 😊😁

      Liked by 2 people

  4. I have a weakness for them…but my taste is quite extreme. I like the bad boys as much as the geeky guys. I guess when you date a bad boy you always know where you stand because they are brutally honest.

    Liked by 1 person

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