Lesson #10 : Free Fall

For years , I’ve considered myself to be a pretty open person. I’ve never had an issue spilling my feelings or oversharing to my friends. I love having deep talks with people, getting to know the inner workings of someone’s mind , while also giving them a glimpse into mine. I hate small talk. Having the same ,

“Hey, what’s up?” 

“Nothing much , you ?”

“Same.”

, conversation over and over drives me insane. I want to talk about important things- passions  or dreams or beliefs or theories on how to make the world a better place. Those are the kinds of conversations I live for. 

Some people , however, are the complete opposite. And that’s completely okay.I don’t think there’s any sort of superiority when it comes to opening up to someone. To me , it all boils down to personality and how truly comfortable you are in the presence of the other person. I might be somewhat of an open book to those closest to me , but to anyone I’ve just met I probably seem like the most quiet and closed off person you’ve ever known.

To be honest , I never realized that about myself until someone pointed it out to me this year. But they were 100% right. I think it’s all a matter of trust. If I don’t trust someone, I’m not going to feel comfortable enough letting them in on who I am as a person. And to me, trust is something you can only gain with time. It took the person who knows me probably even better than I know myself almost a decade to get to that point , and even then I can guarantee there are certain things she doesn’t know about me or vice-versa. 

At the same time , 2016 showed me that I might be taking this whole lack of trust thing a bit too far. In an attempt to protect myself from getting hurt or even worse, getting understood, I was pretty cold to some people this year. It’s not something I intentionally tried to do , but my subconscious made sure that I would be out of harms way by enlisting every defense mechanism in the book. 

It’s quite ironic , because everytime someone asks me advice on whether or not they should get to know someone or take a risk and put themselves out there , I’m always the first one to encourage them. “Protecting yourself from getting hurt will only hurt you more in the long run ” , is one thing my best friend has heard me tell her time and time again. Funny thing is, I don’t think I was ever able to take my own advice. 

LESSON #10: STOPPING YOURSELF FROM GETTING CLOSE TO SOMEONE IN FEAR OF GETTING HURT IS COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE. IN THE END, THE REGRETS AND “WHAT IFS” WILL HURT EVEN MORE.

No risk, no reward-it’s as simple as that. But , it’s also way easier said than done. I’d love to be someone who can jump into things blindly, without worrying about the potential conseqences, but that’s just not who I am. I overthink. I overanalyze. As much as I hate to admit it, my life is run by fear. Fear of failing. Fear of falling. Fear of getting hurt. 

This year, I really tried to take my own advice. I tried to be free, to be open, to let the things happen naturally and to have fun. And , of course , I got bit in the ass for it. But, that’s okay because for once in my life I understood the power in vulnerability. It takes some serious courage to lay yourself out there for the whole world to see. To be yourself. To be defenseless against the thoughts and judgements of others. To LET YOURSELF BE HAPPY.

Sure, protecting yourself from getting hurt will save you some heartbreaks and time along the way,  but it will also make you  miss out on certain oportunities or people that could’ve been the cause of a lot of joy. If you never try , you will never know- so what are you waiting for ? 

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