Ah organization- my specialty! I just love keeping everything in an orderly fashion, knowing where everything is at every moment, keeping my room as tidy as possible, keeping track of all of my belongings. NOT.
Ask around and I’m sure everyone who knows me will tell you the same thing- I’m probably the biggest slob there is. From desks to lockers to backpacks to my room, basically every single space of storage I own looks like it belongs in a war zone. Papers flying everywhere. Clothes all over the floor. The messiness never ends. Which is quite ironic, considering that I’m also probably the biggest worrier out there. Whenever I think I’ve lost some important paper, or my favourite shirt, I panic. A lot. Think of that acidic stomach feeling you get when you think you’ve lost your phone only to realize you’ve been talking on it for the past hour, multiply it by 100, and that’s basically how I feel on a daily basis.
No matter how hard I try, how many different organizers or storage compartments I buy, I can’t seem to keep things organized. So , it doesn’t come as a big shocker that my life is just as unorganized as my belongings. I read somewhere that a messy room = a messy mind, and honestly that explains a lot. I guess you can say I am somewhat scatterbrained, not necessarily in the way that my best friend is who seems to lose focus as fast as you can say , “squirrel”, but more in the way that my thoughts are literally all over the place.
I guess it has something to do with the fact that I just feel lost. Some days I can hide it better than others, but for the most part , I can’t seem to stop my mind from drifting towards confusion and worry. Worry for the past. Worry for the future. What am I supposed to be doing with my life? How am I supposed to get to that point? What am I going to do with myself after I graduate? Where am I going to be a year from today? I have absolutely no idea and I hate that. I hate that uncertainty scares the living shit out of me. I hate that “indecisive” should be my middle name. I hate making decisions about my future, simply because I don’t know what my future should even entail. Hell, I don’t even know what I want today to look like ( should I eat PB & J for breakfast, or oatmeal?!?!) , let alone what I want my future to look like.
So lost is where I reside. And I know I’m not the only one. We all feel lost at a point. Even those who seem like they have their lives together probably don’t- they just know how to fake it better than most do. Before this year, I thought feeling lost was the worst thing in the world, but a couple people this year taught me that it may actually be the greatest.
LESSON #7: IT’S OKAY TO FEEL LOST IN LIFE- IT GIVES YOU A CHANCE TO BE FOUND.
What I’ve learned in 2016 is that while the constant worry that accompanies being directionless sucks, it grants you the freedom to explore the things that do and don’t make you feel alive. Maybe it’s a certain hobby. Maybe it’s a certain job. Or maybe it’s a certain person. But one day, while you’re dwindling down a path that seems to have no sense of direction, something is going to catch your eye and awaken a sense of purpose you never knew existed. This might not happen in a couple days, or a even a couple years, but eventually it will.
Sometimes we take for granted the freedom that being lost actually gives us. We often let it go to waste. We get so caught up in stressing over what we think we should be doing , that we forget that there are so many options out there. If there’s anything I’ve learned this year, its that life is too short to be stuck in the mundane. Go out there and give yourself a chance to be found by the things you may end up loving the most. Trust me- they exist.